It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
