Will you blow on my dice?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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