i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
