Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize