I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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