Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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