Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
