it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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