when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
