the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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