Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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