What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
