I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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