the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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