their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
