"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
