Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
