i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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