he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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