i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
