awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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