just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
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Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
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sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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