When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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