Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
