I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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