You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
