Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
