if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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