I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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