You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
