you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize