Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
