Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
