im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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