And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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