I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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