just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
