i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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