Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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