May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
