He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I lost the right to judge tonight
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize