you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
