at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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