Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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