i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
