guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
