Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
