God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This is my gift to your gina
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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