i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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