____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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