Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
