So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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