So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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