So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
