Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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