one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
