I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
