He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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